Dealing with a break-up

A divorce or break-up can feel like bereavement.

Even the end of a bad relationship can feel like the loss of a planned future or of a dream. Grief can be draining, paralyzing and feel like depression however, it is not depression. Day by day the grief will shift, you can and will move on over time. Give yourself permission to feel and function at less than your optimum level. Sharing your emotions with a trusted friend helps to feel less isolated and less stressed. As with a bereavement, divorce also affects you physically as well as psychologically. While at this vulnerable place treat yourself as if you are ill. Rest, reduce your workload, minimize stress and make some positive changes.

• Make time each day to do activities you find soothing.
• Pay attention to what is right for you, say ‘no’ if its right for you. Honor yourself without angst as saying ‘no’ to others is saying ‘yes’ to yourself.
• Sticking to a routine after a divorce helps make changes. Establishing a new structure brings about a sense of calm and normalcy.
• Take time out, after a divorce you feel intense emotions. Wait a few months before changing jobs.
• Explore new interest’s, divorce is a beginning as well as an end. Pursuing new interests helps bring new enjoyment to life.
• Make healthy lifestyle choices. Exercise, eat well, sleep well and drink less.

• How did you contribute to the problems of the relationship?
• How do you react to conflict, is there a more constructive way?
• Consider whether you accept people as they are or do you try to change them?
• Can you identify the sort of people you date? Are they good for you?
• What can you do differently in other relationships?

Article by Mary Mcilroy Counselling Services.