Why Men Cheat
Most men are happy in marriage and not looking for a way out. However, when unhappy, men are not likely to express their worries / emotions / sex issues with a friend / family and certainly not with a partner. If a man feels his efforts, good intentions or contributions are not appreciated he will long for recognition yet feel guilty asking for his emotional needs to be met. Just like most women, men are emotionally driven and want a connection with their partner.
Most men don’t talk when they feel furious, criticised or insignificant.
They don’t talk when they feel their partner doesn't recognise they are trying.
Men see their silence as a way of protecting the marriage. They don’t consider ways of verbalising for fear thinking that:
Talking will evoke anger.
They preempt their partner won’t listen or that honesty will cause hurt.
They feel self-conscious and unwittingly send a message of avoidance, rejection, dis-interest, blame…
Meanwhile, the partner's posture is seen as an accusation and blame rather than the defence / cover for her emotions that it is.
It’s not easy to say “I think we are starting to lose something important in a marriage and I don’t want it to disappear”.
It is much easier to put feelings aside to deal with later and have an affair.
A change in behavioural patterns might be enough to avoid accompanying reactions when considering choices for health care.
Surprisingly most men don’t cheat for sex or looks, they want to fill the emotional void. Often the affair starts at work (40%) where the female provides the compliments and praise not received at home. Men act differently to the lover in a way he has not been able to with their wife. They want to find in their lover what’s perceived to be missing in their wife. To meet their unspoken emotional needs it helps to set a tone of appreciation and thoughtfulness (so your man will match it). Dealing with awkward silences and pent-up emotions can be helped with fresh insight and a new perspective.
Article by Mary Mcilroy Counselling Services.
